This is the fifth entry in the Let’s Talk Flirting, Sex, and Healthy Relationships series. The first three topics of how to flirt in a respectable manner, how to support sexual misconduct survivors, enjoying sex without sexually harassing, and not defending those who admit guilt are available exclusively on Only The Brand Survives.
In an effort to have a light-hearted discussion, let’s talk about first dates. However, I will provide a bit of a disclaimer before continuing – this will in no way be one of the thousands of articles online which only serve to list a number of actions, without providing any context as to why they are important. Nor will this be a, “Do this and get laid” type of piece.
On the contrary, I will speak on specific actions gentleman can take in order to give them the best opportunity to highlight who they are as individuals.
Dating is tough; everyone wants to make a good impression when they are with someone they admire. The recent conversation surrounding inner personal relationships, hopefully, leads to greater understanding of personal boundaries and consent.
This article is for those who want to make sure they respect those they are out with and make sure everyone has a fun and safe experience.
How To Act
You don’t have to take on a fake persona, pretend you like something you don’t, nor spend hours educating yourself on something that could impress your date. In most cases, acting outside of your genuine self will only backfire in the end.
The biggest keys regarding your actions are making sure you listen when your date speaks and respect their personal space unless they let you know it’s okay to embrace them.
Of course, this ranges from the context of the date itself. Dancing is different than watching. It’s rather difficult to Salsa with your partner without touching, yet there’s not touching necessary to watch a play.
If you feel you shouldn’t do something, ask. If you are too nervous to ask, don’t. When on a date with a person you don’t know well, it’s best to take a conservative approach regarding touch and personal space.
When consent is present, feel free to proceed.
When To Make A Move
First off, don’t get upset or embarrassed if you go for a kiss and your date turns away. It doesn’t mean that you have ruined your chances for a second date or that you have offended them. What it does mean is you read the situation wrong, learn from it and be mature – acting aggressively will definitely ruin any chances you have with your crush and it shows a terrible personality flaw.
So how do you know when making a move is appropriate? That is difficult on the first date. Verbal consent is the most obvious way to know, other than that there isn’t a definitive measure.
Unless you are a mind reader…
If you aren’t comfortable asking directly, you are going to have to do the impossible task of reading body language or hope they provide a direct cue for you to make a move.
It’s the first date, so it’s best to relax and see if a situation naturally occurs and consent is directly expressed.
Breathe & Relax
Why are you nervous? Why are you afraid you’ll look bad? What’s with all the negative thoughts?
Remember, they agreed to a date.
Obviously, they like the thought of being in your company for a period of time. There isn’t, nor will magical formula exist that will guarantee every date you go on will be perfect.
Why is that?
Every individual is different and we all don’t like the same things nor share the same responses to different stimuli. This means you’re best off being genuine, respectful, and listening to what your date has to say.
Being interesting isn’t as difficult as many would lead you to believe. Share intellectual thoughts, respond to what your date says, and be comfortable with who you are.
That doesn’t sound too bad, does it?
This is preciously why you shouldn’t panic when you’re out on a first date.
About The Contributor
Walter Yeates is a journalist throughout his young career he has published hundreds of articles in the realms of entertainment, news, and sports. He is currently working on several novels, screenplays, and an ebook as well. His Twitter handle is @GentlemansHall (Journalism) and @TheRealSmoothG (Sports).
You can follow Walter as well at: